REAL Conversations: How Respectful Communication Can Empower You
We’ve all been there. We’re in a meeting with a group of people and there’s something that needs to be said, but no one talks about it. We might be worried we’re going to hurt someone’s feelings, make them mad or get in trouble. So the topic is ignored. However, when we don’t say what we’re thinking, we can end up in a less than healthy work environment, feel resentful and disagree with decisions that are made.
It’s Time to Say What’s In Our Minds and Communicate Effectively
This is where REAL Conversations come in. REAL Conversations are a powerful Bold Kindness tool in which we are intentional about what we say and engage in genuine workplace communication. In doing so, we’re able to feel expressed, form deeper relationships, create valuable learning opportunities and have a more authentic environment, whether it's respectful communication at work or personal chats with friends.
It’s not always easy. It’s hard to give and receive feedback. It’s hard to have REAL Conversations. It takes fortitude, skill, patience, respect and compassion. It can be difficult to be in a REAL Conversation where stakes may be high and you need to speak an uncomfortable truth. But when we break through the discomfort and communicate what needs to be said, we free ourselves.
The thing is, we’re all people. We all have hopes and dreams and fears. There may be a team member whose mother has died, or is struggling with depression. Someone may be having financial difficulties or going through divorce. Or they may be unhappy with the trajectory of their life and not doing their best work. We’re all people, and we all experience both joy and suffering. We all have periods when we excel and when we are struggling. Every conversation offers us the opportunity to show someone we care about who they are and what they are doing.
Showing Up As Our True Selves
REAL Conversations are about showing up as our full selves and caring meaningfully about the other person in every interaction we have with them. These aren’t one-way conversations; they’re about both people being willing, present participants, with an open, two-way dialogue. In REAL Conversations, we have a bold, kind, meaningful relationship with someone, free of ego or blame. We come from a place of abundance and possibility, and we aren’t afraid to lean in and really listen to what they are saying.
What is a REAL Conversation?
At Bold Kindness, we believe there are four components to having a REAL Conversation:
R: Relationship
E: Being Egoless
A: Coming from Abundance
L: Being able to Lean In
Let’s dive into each of these components of effective team communication.
R: Having a Meaningful Relationship
A REAL Conversation requires us to consistently cultivate a meaningful relationship with someone, whether we’ve just met them or have known them for a long time. How are we showing that we care personally? What is our body language like? Do we give them our full attention, actively listen and make eye contact when we’re talking to them? Do we know what’s important to them? Do they have dreams and goals? Every conversation is an opportunity to get to know someone more intimately through effective communication.
Every interaction with a team member should focus on both personal and business. For instance, when you go into a meeting, don’t just head right into the business at hand. Start by asking someone about their day or their weekend or what they’ve been up to. What matters, first and foremost, is demonstrating respectful communication at work, showing a genuine interest in the other person and making it clear that their lives are important to us.
E: Being Egoless in Our Communication Style
REAL Conversations require both parties to be egoless: to remove arrogance and self-importance from the conversation. They require a willingness to engage in active listening, and to learn, grow, be coachable and open to dissenting opinions.
When someone shows up with an egocentric attitude and isn't communicating respectfully, something’s up. We tend to behave like that when we’re feeling defensive or insecure or we don’t trust the person we’re talking to. So again, to help counter that, we have to build the relationship first. We have to let them know we care. When we show care and compassion to others and demonstrate active listening, they’re more likely to let their guard down and have a sense of trust and open heartedness. They are more likely to understand any feedback is rooted in learning and continuous improvement and to take that feedback and feel great about it.
A: Having Open Communication Through Abundance
To create effective communication, REAL Conversations need to come from a place of abundance. They require us to suspend judgment and be genuinely open to possibilities. To hold off on having the answers and be curious about what else is out there. To be committed to listening, learning and communicating respectfully.
When you go into a conversation, take a minute to check in with yourself, to see where your mindset is at. Do you feel open and curious about interacting with this person? Do you feel like you can be fully present? And maybe you’re not. It happens. Sometimes we’re engaged in workplace communication and not giving it 100 percent. If you’re distracted and not completely engaged in providing full feedback, it doesn’t go well. So then there’s an opportunity to look back and think: How can I do better? What can I learn? How can I come from a place of abundance?
L: Being Able to Lean In Through Active Listening
Finally, REAL Conversations are about leaning into the discomfort of having a difficult conversation. Because let’s face it: some conversations are hard. Sometimes we have to talk about things that are challenging to discuss. It’s so important to lean into the discomfort and to be okay with getting vulnerable.
So much of the time we are feeling nervous about having a conversation with someone and we hold onto stress because of this. Or we’re fearful that we’ve done something wrong or we’re going to be judged or blamed. We have to be okay with things being vulnerable and real. People are often nervous about being bold and honest in conversations with their peers. They get stressed when they have to have hard and sweaty discussions or express different opinions. Sometimes it is because they don’t want to hurt people’s feelings or cause “conflict.” Or they just don’t have the tools or confidence to navigate the conversation.
REAL Conversations Take Practice
This kind of work in respectful communication doesn’t happen overnight. Like many Bold Kindness skills, REAL Conversations improve the more we do it. It can be scary to give and receive constructive feedback and engage in effective communication, but when it’s done honestly and with care, it can be transformative. So ask yourself: what’s the one thing that needs to be said today? How can I have a REAL Conversation?
